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TOTAL W(H)INE

Jesus made it. My kids do it. I drink it. In vino veritas.

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  • Home
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  • Life Abundantly Series
  • Real NFP Talk
  • the SAHM Talk Back! series

Abstinence v. Birth Control: Making a Case

By: Emily January 30, 2020January 31, 2020 Catholic Culture, NFP, Tell It Like It Is2 Comments on Abstinence v. Birth Control: Making a Case

When abstinence is unbearable, Church teaching doesn’t make sense. So why doesn’t she change?

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Making Room during Lent

By: Emily March 2, 2019February 11, 2020 A Look on the Bright Side, Catholic Culture, Lent 2019Leave a Comment on Making Room during Lent

For those of us who tend to dread Lent, I share some ideas to approach prayer, fasting and almsgiving in a practical and edifying way that will carry you to Good Friday and beyond.

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The W(h)iner

A few tidbits about me

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About the Blog

What do I have to whine about? In a word, solidarity.

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Run the World

My Dad once told me…

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Lenten Reflections on Song of Solomon

By: Emily February 11, 2020February 11, 2020
Catholic CultureLeave a Comment on Lenten Reflections on Song of Solomon

Weekly devotional guides to read the Song of Solomon for the 40 days of Lent.

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Catholic CultureLeave a Comment on Lenten Reflections on Song of Solomon

Abstinence: The Great NFP Turn Off

By: Emily January 16, 2020February 3, 2020
Catholic Culture4 Comments on Abstinence: The Great NFP Turn Off

Sex is both confined to and the seal of the sacrament of marriage. So how on earth can the Catholic Church justify periodic abstinence alone for planning families – no matter what?

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Catholic Culture4 Comments on Abstinence: The Great NFP Turn Off

Merry Christmas from Total W(h)ine!

By: Emily December 20, 2019January 11, 2020
Catholic CultureLeave a Comment on Merry Christmas from Total W(h)ine!

Click for a note of thanks to each of you, who have been a gift to me this past year!

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Catholic CultureLeave a Comment on Merry Christmas from Total W(h)ine!

Can you support feminism as a SAHM?

By: Emily December 12, 2019December 20, 2019
Catholic Culture, Guest Writers, Motherhood, Tell It Like It Is3 Comments on Can you support feminism as a SAHM?

In a word, yes. But maybe the question should be turned back on itself – can feminism support a woman’s right to choose to stay home?

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Catholic Culture, Guest Writers, Motherhood, Tell It Like It Is3 Comments on Can you support feminism as a SAHM?

Don't you hate sacrificing your career?

By: Emily December 10, 2019December 20, 2019
Family, Guest Writers, Motherhood, Tell It Like It Is1 Comment on Don't you hate sacrificing your career?

Emily and Victoria just have one thing to say to this one: what exactly is wrong with sacrifice?
Just kidding, they have a lot more to say. Read on.

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Family, Guest Writers, Motherhood, Tell It Like It Is1 Comment on Don't you hate sacrificing your career?

Are your kids the center of your life?

By: Emily December 8, 2019December 20, 2019
Catholic Culture1 Comment on Are your kids the center of your life?

The choice to stay home is all about the kids… sort of.

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Catholic Culture1 Comment on Are your kids the center of your life?

5 Ways to Celebrate Advent (and still put up your tree!)

By: Emily November 21, 2019December 5, 2019
Catholic Culture, Family, Tips and Tricks2 Comments on 5 Ways to Celebrate Advent (and still put up your tree!)

Simple, easy ideas to help you prepare for the wonder and joy of Christmas.

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Catholic Culture, Family, Tips and Tricks2 Comments on 5 Ways to Celebrate Advent (and still put up your tree!)

How to Make a Hanging Advent Wreath

By: Emily November 21, 2019December 5, 2019
Crafts, Motherhood, Tips and Tricks1 Comment on How to Make a Hanging Advent Wreath

For those of us with tiny spaces, limited surface area, and lots of curious little hands!

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Crafts, Motherhood, Tips and Tricks1 Comment on How to Make a Hanging Advent Wreath

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Hey y’all! I’m Emily, the w(h)iner in chief. I’m so glad you’re here!

I'm a Louisiana native married to a Wisconsin boy, living the SAHM life with our two hedonists in a DC suburb. Honesty is my game, scotch is my drink, and my faith is a joy. Laissez les bon temps roller!

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One of the reasons I prefer the acronym FABM to NFP when talking about fertility awareness is because the information gathered goes way beyond just family planning. As the methods of fertility awareness develop and advance, we are learning just how much our fertility is indicative of our overall health and how important it is to treat our fertility holistically. But in the meantime, there is still a lot of misinformation out there about fertility awareness, its effectiveness, and even how our cycles actually work. . So for today’s #FABMfriday, I’m going to share a few of my favorite accounts for getting solid information about the science of fertility awareness and how our bodies, hormones and cycles actually work. . These accounts have helped me understand things like: . 💡Debilitating menstrual pain is never normal . 💡Potential causes of irregular cycles . 💡The importance of the luteal phase for achieving or sustaining pregnancy . 💡Cervical mucus sustains sperm life even if it is not “fertile” . 💡Ovulation is a sign of health . 💡Mucus observations as diagnostic tool for non-fertility related hormonal issues . 💡The detrimental effects of hormonal birth control . . Go give these accounts a follow for more nuggets of wisdom like that... @takingbacktheterms @drsarubala @fertilityfriday @famtasticfertility @naturalwomanhood @sarahehillphd @fertilityfacts @chartyourfertility
I’m back a day early for @stephanieweinert ‘s challenge with the story of our first date. Get ready for the least fairytale story on this #fridayintroductionsourlovestory hashtag. . This isn’t a photo of our first date, but it was taken exactly a year later under almost exactly the same circumstances, this time at Fado Irish Pub during @scythian ‘s 10 year celebration in DC. . Nick had been pretty reluctant to make anything official, but finally asked me to go see one of his favorite bands on a Wednesday in March. I recall a few jokes made about getting rowdy on a school night. We started out at a dive bar near the venue, downing a few natty bos for a cheap buzz before heading to the venue. Nick proudly noted at one point that I was the perfect height for going to concerts - I could stand right in front of him and he could still see over 😏 . The concert wrapped and on our way to the metro, the liquid courage took effect and he started spilling his heart out about how he liked me, etc. etc. Finally he fesses up, I thought. Well, the night ended when I had to switch trains, and anyone familiar with metro travel knows that goodbyes have to be short or you’ll miss your stop. A quick awkward side-seated hug was followed by an attempted kiss. The guy totally missed and kissed me between my nose and my lips. I ran up to catch the doors before they closed and shot him a text: “You’re going to have to try that again soon.” . Like I said, the least fairytale first date ever. But you know what - I had the best time! Our dating life was far from perfect, but that’s life. We learned and grew together, and best of all, we had the time of our lives! So I just wanted to take a minute to tell all you singles still looking for that guy or that girl - don’t be afraid to take a risk! Your first date doesn’t have to start with mass and rosary to ensure a good and holy life. Don’t lose sight of the good in pursuit of the perfect. There were several things about Nick that were literally on my list of “must nots”, but which turned out to be my favorite parts of him. . When it comes to dating, hold on to your standards, but chuck your lists.
As I read the readings in preparation for mass today, there was an incredible theme woven from the beginning of Isaiah to the end of Matthew - the light of God shines through those who are broken. . The prophet Isaiah seemed to articulate that good works are not just ways to let the light of God shine through our lives. They are the very means by which our own pain is healed, infusing those works with compassion for others. The Psalmist reminds us that even in darkness, light will break through. Paul tells the Corinthians that his fear of speaking to them enabled God to share his light, not through his words, but through his very life. And Matthew closes with the command from Jesus: Your light must shine before others. . We often get caught up in our faults and failings, the times where we give in to our weakness rather than turn to God and draw strength. We mothers especially can find ourselves drained from the constant demands on our time and our love, becoming easily frustrated and short tempered as a result. It’s easy to believe that such humanness makes us unworthy for the tasks that God has given us. . Today’s readings prove the opposite. It is precisely because of our unworthiness, our humanness, our frailty that God can use us. The cracks of our brokenness are the very places where his light can shine through. All we have to do is give those failings over to him: Take them Jesus, take them all! Let your love pour out through my pain. . How many times have we heard others come to us because they struggle, and how happy are we to say to them in love, I’ve been there too. What comfort we can give each other in the knowledge that they are not alone when they feel like they are suffocating under the weight of their cross. Solidarity can make our crosses sweet because we can see that they are fruitful. . Do you know someone who may be struggling, who needs to be heard or shown they are loved? Take a minute today. Lift them up in a brief prayer. Send them a text to see how they are. Ask to drop by for a quick visit. Or even take them out for a drink or coffee. Let God’s light shine through your brokenness. He commands it.
Ok forgive the double post, but @stephanieweinert ‘s #fridayintroductionsourlovestory is making me smile seeing everyone back when they were young babes in love, so I thought I’d add our story. . This is our first picture together (and it’s even professional). My darling husband is on the far right, and I’m in between two other guys 😉 . Nick and I met shortly after I started my DC internship at the biggest national event our organization put on. He had been working there for two years and was operating our booth. I was wandering around just soaking everything in. It was not love at first sight for me. Plus, he was at least 3 things on my list of deal breakers - yankee, worked in politics and legal-brained. But then he started talking and I couldn’t stop laughing... #mykryptonite . A few coworkers had mentioned to him “what about Emily?” and to me “what about Nick?” because we were two Catholics working in an evangelical office. Hey!! But I was interning, aka not permanent, so we were both like, nah. One day when we were returning to our office from noon mass, I made a reference to the show Family Guy. Apparently that combo - Catholic and conservative, with a raunchy sense of humor - did him in. We flirted on and off, until I told him I got a full time job at our organization. He promptly offered to help me move, trying to play it all sensible since he had a truck. . He helped me move, finally asked for my number, and we started frequenting the DC Catholic party circuit together (highly recommend). We finally went on our first official date 6 months after meeting. But I’ll save that story for next Friday :) . Have you shared your story yet??
Well, it’s been a little bit crazy round our house this past week, but I wanted to pull a little something together for #FABMfriday. It won’t be as polished as my usual, so bear with me. . When I was learning to chart prior to marriage, I was so anxious about getting it right. I wanted to make sure to have only the bare minimum amount of abstinence. . I’m certainly not the only woman who’s been there, but now I’ve started wondering why I had that mindset. I believed what the world and birth control propaganda had hammered into me without my knowledge: men are insatiable sex fiends, totally incapable of governing their desires. Either women are always available or men will be miserable. . But every time we had to abstain, my hubs never said a bad word about it. I assumed that he was just hiding his disdain and fear began to grow. Finally, I started having open conversations with him and realized to my very pleasant surprise that the world was wrong. . Men are capable of deep sacrificial love, and my husband is just such a man. Sadly, many men have never been told their worth. God made both sexes, men and women, long to be loved totally and completely. He made our desires complementary so that within marriage a loving ebb and flow could be established around those desires. It really is a masterful design. . This is certainly a struggle in some marriages where selfishness has been accepted as happiness. Self-gratification is a gospel far more enticing than the one given us by Christ. But there is hope. . Great sacrifices like NFP will seem insurmountable if we never know that we must begin with little sacrifices. So let’s begin there. With the little things. By giving up alcohol once a week. By forgoing milk or sugar in our coffee. By turning off our screens for an hour or two a day. By little acts of kindness done purely for love. By telling our sons and daughters that self-denial is courageous, and being loved completely is what they’re worth. By living this truth in plain sight. . This isn’t easy. It’s sainthood which isn’t glamorous until you’re six feet under. But it is fulfilling. And with a lot of love and patience, it is doable.
So, a little bird tells me there was an event that happened Sunday night that has had Christian social media in a tizzy. . Y’all, Satan is having a field day. He is getting so much free media time and he doesn’t deserve it. He loves destruction. He loves when people tear each other down, and I’m sick of seeing Christians play right into his greedy hands. None of what happened should surprise or shock us in a post-Christian world. We will never fix the culture by focusing on all that is wrong with it, giving that horned-fiend more credit than he’s due. . The only way to eradicate evil is by focusing on the good, to steal the limelight back for God. So I’m bringing #noblewomenwednesday back a day early to give us an opportunity to stop tearing each other down and instead spend a minute building each other up. . . 🏷️TAG a woman in the comments who is that noble woman to you. But don’t just tag her, tell her WHY you did. . . #superbowlhalftimeshow #buildupthekingdom #virtueovervice #nottodaysatan
Y’all mind if I don’t talk about fertility awareness for a sec? . Cause I’ve been thinking about prayer lately, mostly how I’ve always been miserable at setting any kind of consistent routine and wondering why that is. And that was before kids. . Here’s why I struggle, and maybe this is just me. Prayer doesn’t guarantee that I will get what I pray for.  When I offer up a rosary for a set of intentions, those requests aren’t always granted, in fact they rarely are that I can see. It really kills my buzz. . Prayer isn’t about making requests or giving thanks and getting something in return. It is about giving God access over my life and those I pray for. It is about opening up the channels of grace on my end so that God can work and move, because unless I do that, God is powerless over me. . Our all powerful Father God will not do a thing in our lives unless we give him permission. Go back and read that again. He didn’t become man until he had asked a lowly Virgin if she would give him a share in our humanity. He didn’t command armies to force people to follow him, only asked. God respects our free will so much that he will never go where he is not wanted. The door to our hearts has a handle on only one side - ours. God stands on the other side and knocks. . That is why we pray. That is why we make requests. That is why we offer up others to him. That is why we go to confession. We are giving God permission to live and work and move in our hearts. We are giving him access to our joys, fears and even our sins. We are opening the door so he can enter, and give us what is at the root of every single desire - himself. . Do you struggle with prayer like me? Is it hard to keep praying when you don’t feel like it works? Rethink your prayer life entirely then. Don’t pray to get things. Pray instead to give things, to hand things over to God. . What do you need to give God access to today?
✨NEW POST✨ Abstinence v. Birth Control: Making a Case . I'm back today with the "a" word again. . When it comes to family planning, we have the free will to choose either birth control or fertility awareness, and believe it or not, the Church's teaching is the answer to this question: which of these two options facilitates the best possible sex? . The fact is that no argument in the world could make abstinence fun or easy. But that doesn't mean it's not sound teaching. . That's a lot to unpack, but that's exactly what I attempt in today's #FABMfriday post. Full disclosure: these are the things that helped me accept abstinence when I struggled with Church teaching. . Tap the link in bio to read. . . . #realNFP #totalwhine #fertilityawareness
“He called them, and immediately they left their boat and their father and followed him.” // Matthew 4:22 . Recently, I’ve started making more of an effort to pray openly and honestly. Gloves off, aimless wanderings, this is me type of prayers, spoken out loud looking at the crucifix on my wall. I gotta tell ya, they’re answered pretty quickly. I was opening up about my lack of trust, telling Jesus that I needed help taking the leap again. . . “How do I change this, Jesus? It’s so hard to let go. What can I do?” I asked. He responded, “Just start trusting me.” . . I rolled my eyes, “And this is how I know you’re a man.” . ✨ . This verse from today’s gospel hit home. We read that James and John left their boat and their father and followed Jesus as soon as he called. Wow! Just, see ya, Pops and a sure source of income, and Hello Jesus. They threw off all that kept them comfortable to chase after this new Rabbi. . That sums up the way we have to follow Jesus pretty well. We have to give up the comforts of our lives as we know them and embrace a shake up to move on to better things. There’s a few ways that we can make this easier for ourselves. I couldn’t help but think that those simple fisherman left their dad so easily because they already knew Jesus through Scripture, and recognized him the second he called. We can make the effort to get to know him as well, in the Scriptures and through quieting our hearts to be able to feel his nudges. It’s much harder to respond to God’s summons if we don’t know him. If we don’t know him, we can’t trust him. . Have you struggled with trusting God or getting to know him? Don’t worry about waiting for the perfect time or the perfect setting. Invite God right into the midst of your crazy messy life right now. It doesn’t have to be perfect or pretty or nice. Just start.

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